No, it's not your imagination
Tuesday, September 2, 2014
I smell something fishy in the men's hygiene department:
1. Deodorant sticks are being made shorter. (They run out much sooner than they used to.)
2. Bar soap is being formulated to evaporate much more quickly. (Remember when a bar of soap used to last months instead of weeks?)
3. The bristles on Sonicare toothbrushes are wearing down and disintegrating faster than they used to.
4. Toothpaste tubes are not as full as they used to be.
We are witnessing a covert operation of deception: manufacturers of hygiene goods have crossed the line of greed.
I am onto you.
I'm about to go all Michael Moore on your ass!
Ask the Concierge: Question #447A
Saturday, August 30, 2014
What is the most-often-forgotten item that hotel guests fail to pack?
Hoarding for the Incandescent Apocalypse
Tuesday, August 26, 2014
First, they phase out the 75-watt.
Now, they're phasing out the 65- and 40-watt.
I refuse to give up the warm, irreplaceable glow of incandescent.
With respect to Charleston Heston: "I'll give you my incandescents when you pry them from my cold, dead hands."
Friday, August 22, 2014
....that's the name I've given my bathroom. I got to choose my own wallpaper.
It's become obvious over the past few years that not everyone shares my enthusiasm for it.
At any rate, I need to install a new shower valve, which means someone must cut a hole in the wall, which makes me very sad. I can't replace the wallpaper. It was on clearance. Discontinued. Imagine that.
So, a hole must be made. I'm hoping for a teeny tiny hole, please.
Dear Craigslist: Looking for someone who specializes in arthroscopic plumbing.
How to tell when you have a drinking problem ...
Tuesday, August 19, 2014
Working as concierge in a huge hotel in a bustling entertainment district, I've learned something wonderful about myself, something that makes me sigh with relief ... and please take note, dear wife: Evidently, I don't have a drinking problem after all!
I do not vomit on lobby floors.
I do not kiss strangers in elevators.
I do not lose my telephone while trawling the bars of lower Broadway.
I do not run around hotel hallways in my underwear.
I do not pass out, naked, in hallways wearing nothing but a cardigan sweater.
Yes, bartender, thank you -- I will have another.
Sexy New Word
Friday, August 8, 2014
Reading Tom Wolfe's "Back to Blood" right now and came across a word I've never seen: lubricious. Say it out loud -- it even sounds sexy.
And sexy it is: Lubricious: Offensively displaying or intended to arouse sexual desire. Smooth and slippery with oil or a similar substance.
BTW: My favorite feature of a Kindle is how you can set the cursor on a word, and a New Oxford American Dictionary definition pops up. So easy. So enlightening. So exciting.
Almost, downright ... lubricious.
Googling the Concierge
Friday, June 13, 2014
Three or four times a week a guest will come up to me and say, "You didn't tell me you were an author!"
Sometimes, they go right upstairs to their room, download an Ad Hudler book onto their Kindle, and start reading.
One phone call, late one night while I was working the desk: "Ad... this is Mrs. BLANK ... Why did you kill Ellis? He was so sweet! Why did he have to die?"
Another woman came up to me one day and asked me to compare two restaurants. I gave her the pros and cons of each one, and then she asked, "But which one would Donna pick?"
"Donna?" I asked.
"Donna Kabel. The Kroger produce girl in your book. Which restaurant do you think she'd like?"