“The ramblings and grumblings of author Ad Hudler”

Blue Gold
Tuesday, October 14, 2014

My newspaper columnist mother writes about her life with the bravery of a warrior. She sometimes writes about cringe-able moments like "getting my boobs smashed" at her annual mammogram. Once, shortly after she quit smoking decades ago, she publicly shared how her gynocologist, in the middle of giving my mom her pap smear, raised her head and remarked, "Joy! You've quit smoking! When were you going to tell me!" (Evidently, she could tell by the state of my mother's tissue.)

So ... in Hudler fashion, I present you with this report on Viagra.

It's a wonderful drug, a wonderful EXPENSIVE drug, and while I have not found it necessary in my post-50 years I have found it ... umh ... helpful. And since my wife's previous employer's health insurance covered a good chunk of the cost of the prescription, I thought nothing about it.

Then, she retired. And we started using my employer's health insurance, which apparently doesn't cover such elective prescriptions.

"It's, uhm, $219," said the twenty-something young woman behind the counter. (She actually cringed when she said it.)

"What!?" I blurted. "I don't need two hundred of them."

"It's, uhm...that's, uhm, the price for ... six."

"Six. ... Sixty?"

"Uhm...six ... Do you have any questions?"

"Yeah ... how many more years until that patent runs out?"

From my truck, I texted my wife: "Please tell me that we are worth $36.40 a pop."

"I'd pay $50," she answered.

And here they are, in all their splendor, displayed in a manner they so justly deserve:

Inexplicable Dislike #335R2
Sunday, September 28, 2014

'Not sure why, but I've always hated seeing this in my own house (No offense, darlin'... really, I do like you helping around the kitchen, but...)

A wet dish rag resting on the isthmus (look it up here; great word) of the sink. Maybe I don't like it because it reminds me of the doilies grannies used to put on the backs of their sofas. Or is it because Our Nanny From Hell, described in "Househusband," did this every single day?

It's a mystery for sure.

Amazing-but-true Animal Feats! Example #225E5
Wednesday, September 24, 2014

 Submitted by a reader: These photos of a very-smart bunny engrossed in one of my books.
'Even turns the pages by himself, although he does need a little help holding it up.

(Give that bunny a carrot, Taylor!)

No, it's not your imagination
Tuesday, September 2, 2014

I smell something fishy in the men's hygiene department:
1. Deodorant sticks are being made shorter. (They run out much sooner than they used to.)
2. Bar soap is being formulated to evaporate much more quickly. (Remember when a bar of soap used to last months instead of weeks?)
3. The bristles on Sonicare toothbrushes are wearing down and disintegrating faster than they used to.
4. Toothpaste tubes are not as full as they used to be.

We are witnessing a covert operation of deception: manufacturers of hygiene goods have crossed the line of greed.

I am onto you.

I'm about to go all Michael Moore on your ass!

Ask the Concierge: Question #447A
Saturday, August 30, 2014

What is the most-often-forgotten item that hotel guests fail to pack?

Hoarding for the Incandescent Apocalypse
Tuesday, August 26, 2014

First, they phase out the 75-watt.
Now, they're phasing out the 65- and 40-watt.
I refuse to give up the warm, irreplaceable glow of incandescent.
With respect to Charleston Heston: "I'll give you my incandescents when you pry them from my cold, dead hands."

Monkey Business
Friday, August 22, 2014

....that's the name I've given my bathroom. I got to choose my own wallpaper.

It's become obvious over the past few years that not everyone shares my enthusiasm for it.

At any rate, I need to install a new shower valve, which means someone must cut a hole in the wall, which makes me very sad. I can't replace the wallpaper. It was on clearance. Discontinued. Imagine that.

So, a hole must be made. I'm hoping for a teeny tiny hole, please.

Dear Craigslist: Looking for someone who specializes in arthroscopic plumbing.