Tattoos and the Target shopper
Sunday, August 3, 2008
To celebrate my birthday, my wife and I slipped away to Sarasota yesterday for a night at the Ritz-Carlton. I always like staying at a Ritz-Carlton. I like how everyone always says, "With pleasure," and "It is my pleasure." And everyone, even the chamber maids, are outfitted with those little hidden ear pieces and microphones like the ones you see on secret-service agents, which is their secret to making sure you never have to wait more than 1.4 seconds for anything. Honest to god, they'll even do things like whisper your names into the mic so the doorman you are approaching will know to say, "Have a wonderful evening tonight, Mr. and Mrs. Hudler."
But now to the matter at hand. Yesterday I wrote about Wal-Mart shoppers having more tattoos than their Target-shopper counterparts. Well, it takes a big man to admit this, but I got busted by the stereotype police at the Ritz swimming pool. There was this beautiful mother with her young toddler daughter, and we overheard her tell someone she was pregnant with twins.
Her hair was blond, an EXPENSIVE haircut and color, my wife assured me. Her teeth were porcelain-white and perfect. She wore some kind of designer sunglasses and a diamond bracelet. She used multiple-syllable medical terms when explaining to someone how twins are formed in the body. Oh, and she and her husband were in Sarasota to find a vacation home to buy, and they couldn't have been older than 30. In short: Educated, affluent, and, most definitely TARGET SHOPPERS!!
And then, when I saw her stretch up to adjust the shade umbrella, the flap of her pregnancy swimsuit fell aside to reveal ... A TATTOO OF A DRAGON ON HER BELLY!!
Okay, so apparently tattoos have become so commonplace that even the Target crowd wears them now with pride.
I need to reexamine tattoos. I guess we need some new criteria for judging them. What's cool in tattoos? What's outre? What is considered an artful tattoo? And, more importantly, when Target buyers are penning their love to country and/or mom on their limbs, what is the Wal-Mart crowd doing?
True confession: I've wanted one for about the past two years ... ever since I started power-lifting. My wife and daughter vow they will disown me if I follow through with it.
"What if I get one of, like, Shakespeare?" I asked. "Or maybe Hemingway or Thomas Edison?"
Nope. I guess it's best. I have one friend who says that on Judgment Day everyone with tattoos will get shoved into the Going-To-Hell line.
Hey... send me pix or descriptions of your tattoos. Or your girlfriend's or husband's tattoos. There are some pretty amazing ones out there. I'll post them here. And be sure to say whether you are a Target or Wal-Mart shopper ... so that we can adjust our realities.
Labels: Target, tattoo