“The ramblings and grumblings of author Ad Hudler”

Did you know the word "GIN" is in "VirGINia?"
Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Time to worry: The other day my best friend and neighbor called and invited me over for a cocktail. I heartily agreed. "Bring gin," he said. "I'm out."

Well, between our two houses lives a different neighbor -- we call her Gladys Kravitz, after the do-goodie, into-everyone's-business neighbor from "Bewitched" -- and to get to my friend's house I must walk past hers. More than once she has remarked when seen me carrying a bottle of gin or wine or beer.

Well, no problem. I took care of this handily:


.
Yes, I poured the gin in a Ziploc bag and added a small piece of carrot. And I skipped past my neighbor's house, very happy to be taking a new goldfish to my best friend as a gift!!

I know, I know ... pretty cool, huh?

Okay, so I thought I would drop the Gin Count in my daily blog, but four different readers have emailed me to ask why I've dropped it. Frankly, I thought you'd all get bored by it. I mean, why is one man's personal problem so interesting to others? I can only guess that EVERYONE has a vice or two they can't seem to control, and therefore they want to see how another wrestles with his own. And you can see by my desperation to sneak gin past my neighbor ... I do have a problem.

My mom told me the other day that she forwards my blogs to my grandma in Idaho ... all except for one small edit: "I delete the gin count," she told me. "I just think it's something she might not want to see." ... I can't help but wonder if the same is true for my parents. They, after all, know very well that we have that alcoholism gene on BOTH sides of the family. Plus, I'm a writer!!! Hello?! Writers drink a LOT! I once had the idea of writing a nonfiction book about a writer's intimate relationship with alcohol, but then I went onto Amazon and discovered, like, 73 of them!!! Apparently I am not alone. I drink partly to quell my characters' voices inside my head that are always trying to talk. Basically, gin puts them to sleep.

Okay, so my gin count these past four days has resembled the movement of a teeter-totter. Quite heavy one night, maybe three 3-ounce gin-and-tonics, and then, out of guilt, I torture myself the next night with nothing.

Honestly, I start wanting gin at around 3 p.m. That's awfully early in the day, so I'm guessing it's the taste that I want, not the sensation. It's just so refreshing, and it's so bloody hot down here in southwest Florida. Maybe if I move to North Dakota my love of gin will vaporize. I remember when I moved from Florida to New York years ago, my tastes changed with the weather. I started unconsciously switching from lighter, southern-hemisphere beers to heavier brews, from white wine to red, from grilled fish to stews.

I've also thought that maybe I could start sucking on juniper berries....just as smokers suck on those fake plastic cigarettes infused with fake-tobacco taste.

Do any of my northern friends have any juniper berries they can send me?


6 Comments:

Blogger Libby Boren McMillan said...

LOL love the goldfish "red herring" . . . that is rich.

Hey Ad, best t-shirt I ever saw said "I'm a drinker with a writing problem"

September 17, 2008 at 11:24 AM  
Anonymous Scott said...

What does a gin-infused carrot taste like??

September 17, 2008 at 12:46 PM  
Blogger Ad Hudler said...

Libby: "red herring" comment = brilliant.

Scott: Don't know. We ate the poor little fellow before he got a chance to absorb his environment.
We named him Kyle the Carrot.

September 17, 2008 at 12:51 PM  
Blogger jann said...

I'm down with the gin count, baby. Don't you think it's much more civilized than a, say, tequila count? Which is what would be on my blog. And my mom and grandma are long gone, so I'd be off the hook, too.

You've always been such a damn bad influence on me.

September 17, 2008 at 1:09 PM  
Blogger Kevin Pierce said...

"...called and invited me over for a cocktail..."

The call and invitation in question (parts Ad neglected to mention, in caps):

Ad: HI, IT'S ME, AD HUDLER, YOUR BEST FRIEND AND NEIGHBOR. CAN I COME DOWN FOR A COCKTAIL?

Me: UH... SURE. Bring Gin, I'm out BECAUSE YOU DRANK ALL MINE LAST NIGHT.

September 17, 2008 at 4:36 PM  
Blogger Ad Hudler said...

Kevin, you dummy -- you just outed yourself.

September 17, 2008 at 4:45 PM  

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