“The ramblings and grumblings of author Ad Hudler”

I want a bidet.
Tuesday, September 23, 2008

A secret about my wife and me: We both hate to shower. I'm guessing it comes from both of us being raised in dryer Western states where you are taught at a very early age to respect water as if it is liquid gold or ... in today's terms: gasoline! That means we never really learned the habit of luxuriating in a hot shower.

We both shower FAST! Under 60 seconds. Even Carol ... okay, except when she has to wash her really-thick hair, and she doesn't even do that very often ... probably because I yell at her so often about clogging up the drain. Seriously, we're talking about a problem that requires battery acid and blow torch to correct.

So ... one day I had a great idea: "Hey," I said, "let's get a bidet." I mean, it makes sense. Most of the smelly parts on a body are DOWN THERE. And if you can keep those clean then you most likely won't stink to others, right?

For those who need an introduction a bidet is a toilet-like contraption you find predominantly in European bathrooms. You sit on it, and a jet of water shoots upward, into the ... well, into THOSE parts. For the life of me, I can't figure out why they're not more common, considering the fact that women are in charge of making most household purchases. (Jet of water shooting up into the private parts?) Wikipedia also says this: " ... Bidets are primarily used to wash and clean the genitalia, inner buttocks, and anus. (Ad: Eeewwww...thanks, guys) ... They may also be used to clean any other part of the body; they are very convenient for cleaning the feet, for example. Despite appearing similar to a toilet, it would be more accurate to compare it to the washbasin or bathtub. In fact, the bidet is used by some for a baby bath. ..."

(All I can say is I certainly hope those things are easy to clean in between users. Sure would hate to have that case of athlete's foot become an even more uncomfortable case of athlete's a___.)

Anyway, it won't be happening in our house anytime soon. When I told my wife my idea, she said, "Ad, if we get one of those we'll NEVER shower."



Anonymous Anonymous said...

Is there nothing sacred with you? Does your wife still love you?

September 23, 2008 at 8:10 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well...once again something in common. I find showering to be a nuisance rather than a pleasure. Years ago an elderly friend enlightened me about a PTA bath--puss, tits, and armpits! Takes care of the body odor issue and is great for water conservation and time management!

September 23, 2008 at 9:04 AM  
Blogger Ad Hudler said...

Okay, first of all, Val: I can't believe you said that.

Second: I don't understand the "tits" thing. Is it the sweat underneath them?

Third: I reveal in my next book, MAN OF THE HOUSE, some fun time-saving techniques for caregivers...and one is this: To help cut down on laundry, wipe the crotch of your underpants with a stick of deodorant.
Hey....IT WORKS!!

September 23, 2008 at 9:38 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

of course it's the sweat, if you're well-endowed.
(i'm just full of surprises--ask my husband!)

September 23, 2008 at 10:09 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


How will you choose what to wash of its crumbs:
With option of babies or bunions or bums?
Just pump up the pressure and turn on the spray:
Do one if by night and two if bidet.

Light verse, ripped from the headlines

September 23, 2008 at 2:28 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

After marriage, the first place we lived in had a bidet. The prior owners very thoughfully put a potted plant in it. Frightfully, however, one day when we went to move the potted plant we found a medium sized mirror in the bottom of the bidet. The bidet (and mirror) were never touched after that.

September 23, 2008 at 11:20 PM  
Blogger GRLucas said...

I'm getting such an education reading your blog, Ad.

October 7, 2008 at 12:21 AM  
Anonymous Bidet Toilet Seat said...

Interesting story.I like it

December 28, 2012 at 7:33 AM  

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