“The ramblings and grumblings of author Ad Hudler”

A word on prep schools and MILF's
Friday, September 19, 2008

In my upcoming novel, Man of the House I have some fun with the prep-school culture, its parents and teachers. After moving from Georgia to Florida eight years ago we put our daughter in the most exclusive prep school Lee County, Florida had to offer because we didn't like the neighborhood grammar school. It was one of the toughest choices we ever made. My wife and I have always been big supporters of public schools, and in Macon our daughter attended an inner-city, nearly-all-black school with an incredible geography-history focus. (Everyone should be a minority at some time in their lives; it changes the way you see things.)

Anyway, you can imagine the shock our kid felt, going from that environment to a school where 4th-graders had their own Palm Pilots and families flew their private planes to Disneyworld for the weekend. Of course, I HAD to have some fun with these moms in my book ...

" ... I judge a book by its cover, especially when it comes to people. It comes from being a minority, shut out of the world that you rightfully live in because you are different (Read: Caregiver with penis), always on the outside, looking in, gauging peoples' reactions to you, wondering how you can get inside and how you would act once you get there. I don't care. I make the most of it. I compile Judge-a-Book-by-its-Cover lists. I'm very good at this.

Percentage of prep-school moms who assume you know who their husbands are and what company or practice they own: 92

Percentage of prep-school moms who have had needles or scalpels penetrate their skin in the past six months for reasons other than true illness: 63

Average number of meals these women cook from scratch at home each week: 1

Percentage of prep-school moms who wear cute little tennis outfits but don't actually play tennis: 28

Number of times these women's ponytails bounce in 30 seconds due to fake-exuberant head-nodding while chatting with another such woman: 8

Hey, you know what? Stereotypes exist for a reason: they're generally true. It's a critical-mass thing. Our survival instinct pushes us to fit into a group. If we didn't fit in we wouldn't be accepted by our peers, and survival would be tougher, so we unconsciously start dressing and talking and thinking alike. Before you know it, we've created a template of humanity.

Waiting in the pickup line for my daughter was definite eye-candy time. Even the high-school boys at that prep school liked to ogle the MILF's. In fact, that's where I learned the word: from my daughter's peers.


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