“The ramblings and grumblings of author Ad Hudler”

Consumerism Hall of Shame: Chapter 2
Tuesday, November 18, 2008

One day not long ago, the people at Zephyrhills Water in Florida were sitting around the table, stewing over ideas on how to make more money.

Person A: "We need to make bottled water more SEXY! I mean, look how boring this looks:
Person B: "Yeah, who would buy that?"

Person C: "Actually, a buttload of people already do buy it ... if you can believe that! Ha!"

Person A: "But we could get more people to buy it."

Person B: "Yes!" he says, rubbing his hands together greedily. "MORE people! MORE money! But how?"

Person C: "Hey! I've got it!" She takes out her pen and quickly draws this:

"See? we give it some curves, like some sexy young woman, and men'll love putting their hands around it."

Person B: "Brilliant! And, of course, women will like it, too, because the girth will be easier on their smaller hands. And ... OMG! WAIT! Guess what? If we change the bottles to look like this we're actually taking away an ounce or two of space for water. And ... OMG! That means MORE MONEY because we don't have to use as much water!"

Person C: "Yes! And we can change the price. We'll make it EVEN MORE EXPENSIVE ... and we can get away with it because of that sexy new shape!"

Person A: "Brilliant."

Person B: "Yes, brilliant. Time for a cocktail."


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