“The ramblings and grumblings of author Ad Hudler”

My adventure at Ladies' Night
Friday, February 13, 2009

So my friend from the gym had been trying to talk me into joining him at a new bar in town, and it had to be on a Wednesday because it was ladies' night ... and on ladies' night, of course, the ladies come out en masse. Prime pickings for a single man such as my friend.

Well, I'm not single, so I was reluctant. But after my wife urged me to go I decided to join him for ONE DRINK. And that's all it took for me to get into trouble.

The two of us joined up with another married friend of mine, who was there with her husband ... and then there was another woman whom I casually knew from around town. I thought she'd be a good fit for my friend, so I introduced the two of them ... and we all stood there, talking.

And then, for no reason at all ... this woman pulls me down close to her face (I'm about a foot taller than her), and I think she's going to whisper something in my ear ... AND SHE BITES ME ON THE SIDE OF MY FACE! I kid you not. And it wasn't what I'd call a "love bite." It was what I'd call a beef-jerky bite.

I looked at her, shocked, and yelled, "You BIT me! Why did you BITE me?!"

She said nothing, just laughed and gave me a devilish look. I excused myself, promptly walked out to my truck and drove home, where I told my daughter: "I got bit by a cougar! Look!"

She asked me how old the woman was -- about my age -- and then corrected me by saying cougars are women who prey on YOUNGER men, and that in order for me to have been bitten by a cougar, she would have had to be at least 60. "But I'm still a teenager inside my head," I told her.

Five minutes after I returned home my friend called and asked me where I'd gone.

"Dude, I do not like women biting my face," I said.

She didn't draw blood, but the next day my upper cheek was sore and slightly bruised.


5 Comments:

Anonymous newsandverse said...

AGED BEEF

With graying beard and failing sight,
He ventured into ladies' night.
A dentured cheek would be his fate:
He'd passed the age for cougar bait.

www.newsandverse.com

February 13, 2009 at 8:46 AM  
Blogger Kristy Kiernan said...

How completely bizarre! I don't even have a decent quip for this one. I'd stay the hell away from the woman in the future, that's for sure.

February 13, 2009 at 10:24 AM  
Anonymous Stephanie said...

Oh, my goodness! I appreciate that you didn't name names (it's kind of like one of those 'blind items' in gossip columns)-- and while I'm pretty certain of the scene of the crime (free vodka given to the ladies for two hours CAN result in danger)-- I'm DYING to know who the biter was... Yikes!

PS I didn't mean to sound sexist, by the way -- free vodka given to ANYONE for two hours can result in danger ; )

February 13, 2009 at 12:23 PM  
Blogger Kathy Grey said...

Dude, you have these bizarre stories about women biting and licking your face! What's up with that? What do you wear for after-shave? Cherry vanilla? Creamsicle? Oh, I KNOW... Sugar Daddy!

Time to change brands, I'm afraid.

February 14, 2009 at 8:12 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Okay, so after 69 years, I have finally found a really great place to use nonplussed in a sentence.
And I am.
Totally.
Nonplussed!

February 14, 2009 at 2:08 PM  

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