“The ramblings and grumblings of author Ad Hudler”

My date with a habanero ...
Friday, February 20, 2009

I cook a lot with hot peppers. Having been raised in a town that was one-fourth Mexican, I developed a taste for raw jalapeno peppers at an early age. So my tolerance of hot is pretty high.

One time years ago, I decided to make my own Jamaican jerk seasoning, which called for a raw scotch bonnet pepper (aka habanero), which is one of the hottest peppers on the planet. The recipe warned, as do all recipes in which you handle raw peppers: WEAR GLOVES! Well, having cut thousands of jalapenos in my life with no problem, I ignored the advice.

So, after mincing the very-fragrant scotch bonnet pepper, I had to go to the bathroom ... Number One ... which meant I had to handle a very-sensitive piece of personal equipment with my hands.

You guessed it: Within seconds, my you-know-what started stinging ... and within minutes blisters started to form, and I started running through the house, screaming obscenities. (I was alone; my wife and her visiting parents were taking a fall-foliage drive through the country.)

I panicked. I had no idea what to do. Should I go to the ER? But what would I tell them? Surely they wouldn't believe me; they'd think I had tried something kinky. I had to do something ... but what? Now, I can't explain clearly enough the pain here: I felt as if my tallywacker was on fire. Nothing less.

Not sure what to do, I filled a bowl with ice water, set it on the floor, pulled down my pants and positioned myself over the bowl. It helped to numb things down there, but the second I removed myself from the ice the pain returned.

In the end, there was scabbing. I kid you not. From a raw pepper.
And I have never cooked with habaneros again.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Peter Piper's peppered pickle?

February 20, 2009 at 9:06 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

NO...it's a peppered Peter...

February 20, 2009 at 10:25 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Nothing, I repeat, Nothing, can possibly compare the the peppered Peter story, but here's my experience. After having handled raw jalapenos without a glove, I sufficiently scrubbed and rinsed my hands (or so I thought). I took my contact lenses out later that evening and the next morning . . . you guessed it. It was like my lenses were soaked overnight in hot sauce!! Not fun. Again, no comparison, but I least I didn't have to worry about what I'd tell the ER personnel.

February 20, 2009 at 11:24 AM  
Blogger Ad Hudler said...

That sounds awful, Scott.
Actually, I think I'd take a blistered tallywacker over hot sauce in the eye. I speak from experience...once when I was small, my brother pinned me down and poured Tabasco sauce into my eyes. I thought I was gonna die.
Or I wished he was gonna die.

February 20, 2009 at 1:13 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

Gross! Is this your last desperate attempt to get all senior women off your blog site? G

February 20, 2009 at 9:01 PM  
Blogger Ad Hudler said...

Gena: I find it impossible to extricate myself from junior-high humor. Perhaps it's time you unsubscribed....Funny, though....my subscriber numbers are higher than they've ever been. Guess that indicates the juvenile state of modern culture. :)

February 20, 2009 at 9:08 PM  
Blogger Kathy Grey said...

Did I not share with you my recent run-in, which culminated in sleeping with a full yogurt beard and gloves?

I thought for a brief period I would die. It was the eve of Practice Thanksgiving chez Pierce, and man, did I have a story to tell the guests.

February 21, 2009 at 3:15 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I made the contact lens mistake too! I was rubbing jerk seasoning into chicken. Afterward I wash my hands, later washed dishes, took a shower and still the next morning ... you guessed it. Argh!

I know that the only way to get hot food to stop hurting your mouth is to eat bread or drink milk, I think it has something to do with sugars and fats. Maybe you should have dipped your peter into some yogurt. What an awful experience Ad!

February 22, 2009 at 9:21 AM  
Blogger Ad Hudler said...

Someone also told me citric acid works....limes, lemons, oranges....

February 22, 2009 at 10:07 AM  

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