“The ramblings and grumblings of author Ad Hudler”

Stop calling ... or else!
Wednesday, March 23, 2016

Though I've lived in Nashville for nearly five years I still have my cell number from Fort Myers. Now and then, someone from southwest Florida will call me mistakenly ... and they usually hang up and leave no message. 

Well....Mr./Ms. 239-494-3123 will not stop calling me. He/she has called about a half dozen times, even though I've identified myself via text after each call.

Today, this was my response:

Stop calling me or I will begin texting you pornographic images of myself that you will never be able to erase from your mind.

Sanitized for your protection
Wednesday, March 16, 2016

'Found this in our Florida motel room a few weeks ago:

New in hospitality:
As the sign promises, "Making your world a CLEAN WORLD. The CLEAN REMOTE has been designed specifically to make it easy to clean and disinfect. This is just another of our many efforts to ensure ... A MORE COMFORTABLE STAY FOR YOU AND YOUR FAMILY."

Kind of reminds me of this:

I feel very safe and ... clean.
Which reminds me of Mr. Clean.
Which reminds me of the year I wanted to dress up as Mr. Clean for Halloween ... although my muffin top made this impossible because Mr. Clean is FIT.
I went to Dillards and asked, "Do they have anything like Spanx for guys?"
Said the male sales clerk: "Man Spanx! I've got some on right now!"
I tried them on. It took me nearly ten minutes to get out of them. It did hide my muffin top. It also bruised my kidneys.
"Are you okay in there?" yelled the clerk over the transom of the dressing room.
I never put them on again.
Until my biometric screening at work this past year, when I knew they'd be measuring my waist.
I passed with flying colors ... though my boss failed his biometric measurement.
"You need one of these," I said, unbuttoning my shirt to reveal my secret.